I’m coming off of a week/weekend that reminded me how dear my friends are to me. I’ve had the opportunity to see some that don’t live near me anymore, some that I haven’t seen in ages despite living within 15-20 minutes of each other, and some that I see often, but we just made intentional time to catch up. When you’re a mom, these times come in waves unless you mark it down like “funky town” on your calendar. (Any ‘Parenthood’ fans here?)

I have spent the last 4 years investing a lot in building my different circles and relationships and I am convinced that each one of them, even if I don’t communicate daily or even weekly with some of them, adds something different to my life and challenge me in various ways. Some pour more into me, others I pour more into, but most are a beautiful balance of both.

A lot of the reason I am able to have these incredible friendships is because in the fall of 2014 I did the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I joined MOPS [Mothers of Preschoolers]. MOPS an international Christian organization that encourages women in the thick of motherhood to come together and build a community that holds them together on their worst days and cheers for them loudest on their best. There’s a reason it takes a village ladies…find yours. You’re not meant to go at this alone.

So what kind of friends do you need when you’re in the thick of motherhood? Lemme break it down for ya…with aliases of course. I’m still longing for the day that some of us can end up in a cul de sac of dream homes and be like sister wives, but not have to share a husband…so sister moms, ya know? If not, then I can at least write a script about this concept, right?? Hmm…

Here’s some about the 12 I’m most grateful to have in my corner:

1. Annie – She’s the one who is an expert at encouraging you in your marriage, especially in early motherhood. She’s the one who has a million genius but simple tricks up her sleeves and has a way with words that reminds you that you’re doing the Lord’s work right there in your kitchen (or in the bedroom). She has a list of fun traditions. She has a super dry and sarcastic sense of humor balanced with charm that you can’t help but love her. Her backyard has a long table for as many friends as possible, her upstairs has a playroom for the kids to destroy, and her kitchen has all her fresh baked goods and bowls of toddler trail mix (various cereals) ready to pass out.
2. Riley – She’s the one with an actual degree to help you with your crazy. She’s the one who you have 0 walls with, so you’ve had to drudge through some messes, but you come out on the other side remembering why you don’t have the walls with her in the first place. She gets you the most. But dang, she’ll love you through it. Her house is your favorite to visit because you can steal her cute decor ideas and drink all her delicious tea. She has a guest room you’re actually comfortable to stay in and more toys than any of the kids know what to do with. She’s a loyal friend who values a loyal friend the way you do. She takes you to the hospital when your husband is out of town and sits with you for hours until he arrives. She has a closet full of cute shoes, and lucky for you, happens to wear your same size. So for that reason alone, she’s a keeper.
3. Summer – You need a nurse friend. This is the one. She’s smarts mixed with sweets. She’s the one who you don’t realize her depth until sit with her one on one. She’s strong, laid back, and incredibly encouraging. You’ll marvel at her ability to keep calm no matter how many minutes late she is or in the midst of a stressful situation. She is warm and welcoming and always down for a good time. She is an incredible listener and never thinks your dreams are crazy…she’ll call you ambitious instead. She sees the good in people. She will share anything she has or knows with you and you always walk away from her feeling better about yourself.
4. Grace – She’s the one who will remind you that your cup is actually half full. Always. She’s also the one who will fearlessly confront a crazy person who is judging you (and calling the cops on you) for the 30 seconds they saw you pulling your major tantrum throwing child to the car at the park whilst carrying your few week old baby with tears streaming down your face because you’ve been going through the worst of the worst and she’s stuck with you through it ALL. She’s the one who is your practical sounding board and knowledgable confidant. She loves your kids like her own because they’ve grown up together. She’s also ridiculously talented at a lot of different things, so you also want to keep her around to help you when you suck at DIY projects. She always remembers your favorite things and drops them off on your porch on the days you need them most. You’re on her favorites list on her phone so even though its on DND at night, she answers at 3am when there’s a medical emergency.
5. Serena – She’s the mentor you wish you would’ve had (and listened to) your entire life. She’s so blunt and simple and to the point, but does it in a way that makes you want to think and be better instead of punch her in the face with the same force she just used to hit you with the truth. She’s hilariously inappropriate, but when she says she’ll pray for you, she means it. She makes you feel important even when she’s going through a storm or has a to-do list that puts yours to shame.
6. Poppy – She has the biggest heart and laughs at all of your jokes. She’s the one who you thought you’d pour more into, and she does listen to the ramblings you’d like to call advice, but really, she’s the one who’s added way more to your life and inspired you to pursue your relationship with Jesus more. Don’t worry though, she’ll turn up the music too loud and jam with you on the way home from a leadership meeting. She’s also full of the most creative ideas and isn’t the least bit ashamed to express herself in whichever way she wakes up feeling like. She gives you confidence as a woman and practical ideas in challenging parenting moments.
7. Miranda – This one is quiet. She’s been through a lot. You don’t realize how much you have in common even though you’re different in so many ways. She also is a stellar hair dresser. You always want one of these wizards in your corner. She shares some of your same struggles, and makes you feel admired about things you feel ordinary for. You pick up right where you left off every time you see her. She is funnier than she realizes and you remember how much you adore her each time you have the opportunity to spend time around each other.
8. Callie – She parents in a much different way, but she encourages you to be yourself more than anyone else…both as a mother and as a woman. She is rocking the balancing act of a professional career and doing a phenomenal job as a homeschooling mom of two. She resets your perspective and she has a way of analyzing people and ideas that push you to think deeper, try harder, and leap further. Her favorite topic outside of Jesus is food and you know she will always be amazed at any recipe you share with her, but she has about a thousand more you know she’s yet to share with you. She pours her heart and soul into everything she does and reminds you that you have to chase a dream and not just keep it in your journal. She’s the one you want to call when you’re doubting yourself because although she is honest with what you need to work on, she always reminds you where your identity lies and from where your strength comes…so duh, you can do it. She celebrates the tiniest victories with you.
9. Nelly – She reminds you not to care what other people think. She gives you energy because she has so much of it. She has little to no filter. She may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but you find her endearing either way. She makes you want to be a fun mom and get on the trampoline and in the pool with your kids. You want her on your team if you want to win. She is generous and empathetic despite her incredibly sarcastic shell. She’s good about checking in on you when its been a while and her door is always open to your whole family.
10. Rachel – She’s incredibly independent and smart. She has a confidence about her that you admire, and sometimes intimidates you…but then you realize she wants you to succeed just as much as she does. She’s disciplined and she likes to explore. She inspires you to be a morning person and gives you all the tips of how to keep your plants alive. She is matter of fact and organized. She reminds you to read more and work harder. She is super sarcastic (obviously my kind of people) and has lots of hidden (and not so hidden) talents. She’s one that you love a little more every time you get to be around her.
11. Penelope – She’s one that you can count on. Life gets busy, but you find common ground and pick up like no time has passed. She is willing to help you anytime she can and isn’t afraid to give of her time, talents, and resources. She is always the first one to offer to watch your kids or your dogs (or both, omg) when you’re in a bind. She cheers you and your family on in all your endeavors. She’s your friend that firmly believes getting involved in PTA can change your experience with your kid’s school and has a list of good freezer meals. She’s thrifty and is always in the know about local events, activities, and businesses.
12. Heather – Did I say you need one nurse friend? I meant two. This one has exponentially more momming experience than you and tells you why you should make time to eat clean and exercise, even in this hectic stage. She’s your fellow night owl and is incredibly supportive no matter what you’re aspirations are. She may be full of experience, but she’s open and vulnerable about her struggles too…reminding you you’re not alone at any stage. She’s one of those that you wish lived closer so you could come cry on her couch on a random Thursday, but she’s always just a phone call away. She’s another one who makes you feel important and grown even though you know you’re just a baby in her eyes.

 

So there’s a good starting point for you. I actually just enjoyed laughing at re-naming and sneakily bragging on some of my friends. Do you have someone or a few someones like these gems on my list? GOOD. Cherish them.

Or maybe do you find yourself longing for just one friendship you could even dream of writing something like this about? I see you. I was you as a new mom. You have people you were once friends with in a different stage or shallow acquaintances…but you don’t have the depth and trust built yet, and certainly not with a whole group who really understands what you’re going through. If you are that mom of young kids reading this that doesn’t have said village/tribe/community/group or even one person you can count on to answer when you call, click HERE, scroll to the bottom and click ‘find a group’, then put in your info and see the options closest to you.

I want to encourage you to put yourself out there, girl. I’d push you off the cliff myself if I could. It doesn’t happen overnight and sometimes its not easy. Don’t set your expectations too high so you can find joy in the little connections you make. Become a good listener so you can find a sliver of common ground and also know what to drop off on her porch next week. Sign up for that group even if you don’t know a soul. [That was me!] A good story isn’t woven together in a week. There needs to be experiences gone through together and vulnerability shared, but the foundation should be the same: to push each other towards Jesus and find a way to have fun together while navigating what can be the most fulfilling, but challenging thing this life has to offer. Motherhood.

So here’s what I’m saying…

You suck at hosting? Invite her over anyway. You’re not sure if she likes you? Compliment her hair anyway. You’re not outgoing? Say hi anyway!

I know it sounds like I’m talking about an awkward form of dating…and I kind of am…it like this…

I know I’m making light of what can be a huge struggle for moms, but the point of this is just to encourage you to take a deep breath and look for the people that add a variety of positives to your life and do your very best to add to theirs too.

 

I’ve blown some of their covers. Oh well. Some of them I didn’t even get to write about because I was trying to keep it shortish, but I love you all!! Thank you for being my people.

 

-Linds